I found out today there was a huge error in our research data. I wanted to rip everyone's fucking heads off, take an ice pick to their eyes and pop them out - then I'd squash their eyeballs down on top of the printouts and say "there, now can you see what a fucking bunch of morons you all are". Idiots - it's going to take hours to fix the mistakes made by these morons. Of course, since I lead the research team, I'm the one that has to explain everything, what a waste of time and money it's been gathering data inaccurately. I'd love to walk into the office and show all these idiots what I'm made of. Ha, wouldn't they be surprised, if I came in and cut them up into pieces. Some days, days like this, I'd love to lean over to one of my colleagues while quietly enjoying a low-fat mocha frappucino and say "have you ever thought of injecting bleach into the veins of a living person and watching them writhe in agony? Because I can tell you, from experience, exactly what they go through." They'd look up at me, in shock, half wondering if I was joking, but also knowing that the tone of my voice is telling them I have that sort of badness in me. Ha, what would they do? Run? Scream? Try and maintain their cool, maybe even try and maintain their objectiveness? Of course, I could never do that, then I'd have to kill them. Never, under any circumstances, kill someone you have a connection to. You'd be questioned, then one slip with your alibi and it would be all over. You would be locked up in a cell for the rest of your life. I would rather die.
After being at the university today and dealing with everyone else’s fucked up mess I needed to go shopping - half a day was all I could take there at the office. I stopped on my way home and bought some incense and a book about Ed Gein. Tonight I'll take a nice long bath and read my book. People say Ed Gein was the inspiration for Norman Bates in psycho. He was really quite pathetic with his whole mother hang-up and stuff. But here's what gets me about him, if he was so distraught over his mother dying then why did he go out and kill other people's mothers? Didn't he identify with the pain he was causing his victims' families? Or was he simply overrun with selfishness - that whole, "if I can't have it neither can you" thing? He just didn't care about other people's suffering. I'll read about him tonight again, mostly because I like to read the opinions of the "experts". Ha, experts! I'm an expert! And Mr. Gein is a good example of why you should stick to my rules - he was caught because he knew his victim. Not only did he know her, he took her from her store - he killed her while she was writing a receipt out to him with his name on it. He left the receipt with his name on it sitting there on the counter! What a lack of self-control. The stupidity is astounding. Aside from the fact that most serial killers are stupid, they also have no idea why they're doing what they're doing. Or the logic is just so fucked up. That would be the main difference with me. I know why I want to do things, I've sat down and thought it through. I'm fully conscious of my motivation. I think Ed Kemper was almost at my level. He really was quite intelligent, even the FBI thinks so. He had insight into his actions that no other killer of this type seemed to. Ted Bundy tried to act like he understood the motives of serial murder, talking in the third person about his crimes - another little act to bring attention to himself. He really was an egomaniac.