Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Rules

I’m getting antsy and was thinking about going out and seeing if I could find this guy I’ve had my eye on tonight. Problem is – that would be breaking my second rule. I only have 2 rules but they are critically important. Rule #1 – Never bring someone to my house who I can be connected to. I have all my fun at my house. And you can never, ever make the mistake of picking up someone who you are even slight acquainted with. Anonymity is key to not getting caught. Rule #2 – Never act impulsively. That got me into trouble. I've made that mistake only once, when I acted impulsively. I'm better at what I do now, and after the one that went really wrong I've learned to never let my guard down or act impulsively.
         I still hate it now, how I'm often drawn into remembering, reliving that one mistake. I normally maintain control, ALWAYS -  rushing into things is not my way of doing things. Having everything perfectly planned out is the only way I do things. I don't always go out knowing who will end up here with me, but I always know when someone will. Only once did I ignore this rule I had for myself and it taught me a very valuable lesson – I better be more prepared than this creep is! When I'm drawn back to that night I let myself go over it - every detail - as though I'm punishing myself for my stupidity. I will NEVER break that rule again! If I run out tonight looking for some fun, that would definitely end up in breaking Rule #2, so I guess I will have to be satisfied sitting at home, maybe watching some home videos, or going through photos. Yes, tonight, my memories will have to keep me happy. Oh - and I can start planning on when the next one will be, and how it will be - that will be fun:)  I'll have to stop and grab some wine on my way home!

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